Nightmare: A Soundtrack

Every book, story and project somehow ends up with a playlist. Usually, it’s pretty random, and often just what I’m interested in at the moment. However, some are constructed to follow a mood.

The first paragraphs of Nightmare were written to Angelspit, and the mood was set.

So, what do we have?

Angelspit
Bella Morte
Project Pitchfork
Ego Likeness
Rammstein (lots of Rammstein!)
Eisbrecher (every single song I have.)
Oomph!
Megaherz
Tumor
Porcelain and the Tramps
Marilyn Manson
Cruxshadows
Steinkind
Wumpscut (Horror Industrial=AWESOME)
Cattletruck (local Southern Gothic Rock/Blues)
Front 242
IAMX
Miss Kittin and the Hacker
Oaeeene-89 (Seriously, Internet Archives for Eastern European Industrial win!)
Ministry
Drowning Pool
Kaizer’s Orchestra
Deathstars
Das Ich
Corrosion of Conformity
Collide
Blutengel
Asp
Arritmic
The 69 Eyes

And individual songs by many, many others. The main genres are Punk, Gothic and Industrial, with a strong leaning towards European bands. So, fairly typical.

The mood is perfect. I’m going to start shifting my schedule to leave time to write at night, since that’s when I do the gory, visceral scenes.

Mmmm, yummy.

The Psychology of Purity

Yesterday, someone posted a link on Twitter about the similarity between sociopaths and heroes. Addicted to Being Good? The Psychopathology of Heroism was a fascinating read, and perfectly timed for Nightmare’s writing.

In the past, one of my writing issues has been villains. Not that I can’t write villains, I write villains better than heroes, but that I always fall in love with my villains and this skews the story. Part of the reason I have this issue is that I want to dig too deeply into my characters and figure out what REALLY makes them tick.

I blame this on my grandmother. She was getting her Master’s in psychology when I was a small child, and so I often went with her to her classes. Now that I think about it, I’m shocked that I was allowed into the classes, but apparently, Chapman University believes in training up the young. I spent many, many hours reading or drawing in the corner while the profs taught.

My grandmother took me to play therapy, where I shocked the therapist by staging bloody, systematic wars at the age of five. Between the classes and the courtrooms, I got experience and training that most people never get. Some of my favorite people from my childhood are the insane, the cops, the people of the judicial system and the people who study criminals and the unbalanced.

I also spent time in the county mental health clinic where my grandmother worked for a while. It’s funny, because I’d forgotten all about those memories until I started writing this, but now they are coming back to me. The people there loved me, the little blond girl who was more than happy to listen to their stories. Because the first few years of my life were spent around an aunt with profound psychological issues, I suppose the imbalance has always been more understandable to me than the supposedly sane people.

It taught me some unusual lessons though. I’ve learned to recognize imbalance and emotional issues, to connect to a person who isn’t all there with more ease than the normal people around me. It also taught me just how normal a profoundly troubled person can appear, and how they can rationalize their thoughts and actions. These observations led to my belief that there is always good in a person, that there is always a causation, but not always a reason, for an action. Some people really cannot be saved.

Doesn’t stop me from trying. I have an exceptionally high mortality rate for villains. Not in real death, but in making them more anti-hero than monster. Red Sun was horrible to write. Playfair and Taranis both started out as villains. Playfair became a hero and Taranis became one of those characters that’s becoming my signature: a beautiful, mad, sympathetic, honorable monster. Just like Aleshan and Sviera and Amarog and Kasiris and Mortathes and…well, all of my immortals and many of my main mortals too.

All mad in some way or other. All with reasons and motivations. And I love each and every one of them. Which may or may not say good things about my mental state.

This article is an interesting study of another facet of the villain.

To me, nothing is as scary as someone who ‘does what they believe is right, no matter what.’ I have too much experience with people who think that they are right.

In plain words, the classic hero is no better than a suicide bomber, a vigilante, a woman who murders her children so they don’t have to grow up in this world. Too many religions follow this belief. “I’m right. The rest of the world is wrong, and must be punished/saved/shown the error of their ways.” The Crusades, the Jihad, the Holocaust.

Hitler genuinely believed he was doing the right thing. And that’s why the hero scares me so damned much.

In Nightmare, the villain is the Goddess-Queen. The absolute ruler, the deity, the mother. She genuinely believes that people must be holy. If they sin, they and all those who aided in their sin must be saved. Unfortunately, she makes the choices for them. And therein lies the crux of the hero-problem.

Who gets to decide what is ‘the right thing to do’? Who gets to decide what is holy? Who the true god is?

The psychopath is dangerous: selfish, violent. Ultimately, predictable. But he only chooses for himself.

The hero is deadly: unselfish, usually violent/suicidal. Unpredicable. And he chooses the fate of everyone around him.

Which would you rather face off against?

Monsters: Blurrymen

In lieu of an excerpt, I’ll give a monster-teaser!

Haven has hundreds of monsters. They are there to show the wages of sin, to remind the people how lucky they are, do the unsavory work that no human should have to do, etc etc etc.

Problem is, most of them were human at some point or other. The Goddess-Queen kind of forgot to tell her people about the shamans and sorcerers she’s brought from the north, and so there are all kinds of things no one tells you tourists about the monsters of Haven.

Of these secrets, the Blurrymen are the best-kept. While the Watchers keep an overt eye on everything and act as confessionals and wardens, the Blurrymen are the ones who really make sure no one sins.

Their origins are a little obscure, but ‘modern’ creation involved literally removing the soul from the body. The body is discarded, the soul is given a kind of ‘housing’, its matter formed into huge eyes and a long tongue mostly, and once it is solid enough to stay, it’s stuck back into a body–not always its original one–and tucked into an unsuspecting village.

Typically, Blurrymen are just like any other human–on the outside. They look and talk and act like humans, but a witch or seer can see through the skin. Mask can see the Blurrymen, because they mask themselves. In their unbodied form, she’s blind to them.

Blurrymen are nasty little things. They like to eat eyes. The best way to tell if you have a Blurryman around is if there’s no rat problem, but no cats either. The other sign is finding a pile of eyeless rat bodies, although most Blurrymen are good at hiding or destroying the bodies.

The worst aspect of the Blurrymen is their ability to fracture and divide a community. When anyone could be a Blurryman, there’s no trust. It’s usually men, although the occasional woman has been used. Women are in special danger as Blurrymen though, because they can’t conceive. Barren women are usually singled out and forced into a sin that will get them killed or broken, just to be safe.

Male Blurrymen are fine, because their bodies are usually capable of breeding still. If not, Breeders will do the task for them.

Nasty little buggers. Make sure you don’t invite them to the Christmas party, or you might not only lose your cat, but be reported for kissing your wife without permission.

Prayers, Wishes, Vibes

I would like to ask for all of those for my cousin. He’s a brilliantly smart, thoughtful, active 4yo who is currently in excruciating pain and confined to a walker. He has no strength in one leg, and it hurts him badly. MRI says there’s a blocked nerve. My aunt and uncle are waiting for Shriner’s to get back to them to see if he can be taken in for therapy, surgery, or anything that might solve this.

This boy has been a terror since he learned to crawl. He’s truly my uncle’s son, climbing and falling and moving constantly, so this is pretty hard for him. But he’s been communicating with the doctors and his parents, telling them where it hurts, using his walker faithfully, and has said ‘it’s no use to complain, so I’m not going to.’

Just try and tell me that’s not the most awesome kid!

My aunt and uncle also need the love. My aunt adopted her cousin–a little boy with hydrocephalus, autism and other issues–several years before she met my uncle, and raised him as a single parent. My uncle happily adopted the boy as his own. They’ve been taking him to therapy ever since, and he’s a gentle, happy child who signs, loves music, and is in love with the world. But two kids with special needs and a toddler are hard for them to keep up with, and they don’t have an unlimited budget.

Any prayers, well wishing, or good vibes you can spare for them are greatly appreciated.

An Outer Alliance Article

A while back, I pitched the idea to one of Fantasy Magazine’s editors that, as a magazine that actively seeks minority points of view and fair representation in fiction, we should run an article on Outer Alliance.

For those of you who haven’t checked it out, it’s a group started by Natania Barron and Brandon Bell. Focusing on advocating LGBTQ issues in literature, it is a steadily-growing group of F/SF authors and fans who believe that gay rights and acceptance reach into more than marriage and the mundane world.

2009 has not only been a tumultuous year for anyone in the LGBTQ community, but in the genre community as well. There have been several debates over the prejudice towards white male authors, flaming attacks on rights from well-known authors, and even prejudice against advertisements. This is perfect timing for an organization to bring some focus on an issue that hasn’t had so much attention paid to it recently.

However, I want to show, in my article, why we need something like Outer Alliance in the first place. As such, I’ve put out an invitation on Twitter for anyone who would like to help me out.

Here’s the deal: If you have had experience with some form of prejudice, whether or not you were the party involved, regarding genre fiction and LGBTQ issues, I’d like to hear stories.

If you have links to examples of good OR bad responses to prejudice, queer fiction or queer authors/fans, send ‘em away.

What I’m not looking for is ‘we need to do this’, slander, flaming or soapboxes. This is a feature on an organization that is trying to root out prejudice, not an article lambasting or villainizing a group of people.

I also can’t promise that I’ll use everything you send me. But if it is thought-provoking, relevant or really unique, I may want to quote you!

Thanks everyone. This is a project I’m really, really looking forward to!

Third Time’s a Charm?

I know, I know. I’ve said about ten other projects I was getting started on. But I’ve been in a funk, and none of them clicked.

So, after a fruitless day with absolutely no writing done, I turned on the Industrial music and sat down late at night.

Within 40 minutes, I had 1500 words of the nastiest story I’ve ever written. Human monsters based on folklore monsters. Sin and purity.

My goal is a completed rough draft by Jan. 1. Since this is horror, I think I can keep it shorter. So the target is a 60,000 rough draft, which I can reach by hitting 1400 words a day. Which means sticking to my goals.

I’m obsessed with this story. Don’t let me slack off!

Job, Not Reward: Links

Manuscript formatting for both long and short stories.

Janet Reid’s blog, always fun, informative, and blunt.

Also by Janet, Query Shark, a must-read for anyone writing queries.

The sheer amount of information in Nathan Bransford’s blog is astounding.

Colleen Lindsay has experience in many areas of publishing, spanning quite a few years. Lots of tasty morsels here.

Rachelle Gardner posts tons of helpful columns for writers at every stage of publication.

Timothy Hallinan has a lovely long series of articles on how to succeed as a writer. Go. Read it.

A great collection of resource links.

There are a ton of other places to find info. But these should get you started. Enjoy!

October Music Roundup

Have to admit, I’ve been pretty stuck on Faith and the Muse, Bella Morte and soundtracks this month. The first two are great for driving to work. The soundtracks fit right in with my subconscious attempt to go back to being a night-dwelling being, because I always used to write at night while listening to LOTR, Pirates and X-Men.

So, today is Soundtracks of Note.

Pirates of the Caribbean: No matter what you think of the movies themselves, the music is awesome writing music. Hey, it combines two of my favorite modern composers: Badelt and Zimmer. While we may never reach the genius of classical music, there’s a lot to be offered by some of the Hollywood score writers.

Sad, but true.

Kill Bill is a collection of composers. Lonely Shepherd is stunning.

Chronicles of Narnia is a nice blend of softer music and good cinematic theme music.

The Matrix. C’mon. Again, regardless of what you thought of the movies, the music rocks. I’ve been listening to In My head for at least 5 years, and never gotten tired of it. Don Davis, Juno Reactor, James Newton Howard, Enya, Rob Dougan, there’s a great mix in here!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has one of those songs that I NEVER heard it…heard it and fell in love…and now I hear it at least once a week. This happened with Killing Moon from Donnie Darko too. But the theme for this is great. Cheerful, bouncy and quirky!

A Clockwork Orange is mostly remixed classical music. The score is every bit as wacky as the movie.

Lord of the Rings: Howard Shore. Enough said, yes? The man is a genius. I have been listening to this music since I was 14, and listened to it three days this week while writing.

Blackhawk Down is another Hans Zimmer. I put him right up there with Shore, Badelt and Howard.

Pink Panther is just insane. Great for a not-serious scene.

Southland Tales has some nice instrumental music.

The Piano: the score is absolutely beautiful and gentle.

The Watchmen: yes yes, it’s 80’s remixes. But it’s FUN 80’s remixes.

Natural-Born Killers is Nine Inch Nails, Cohen, Cowboy Junkies and others that I love. This is where I started listening to Cohen.

Anything Bollywood. Bollywood is usually a love-or-hate thing. But if you want some prime examples of good Bollywood writing music, email me. I’ll send you Kabhi, Fanaa and Dil Chahta Hai.

Donnie Darko is dark, quiet and quirky. Perfection.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or House of a Thousand Daggers.

Last of the Mohicans is one of those that I tend to forget about. But I Will Find You by Enya is a great song, and it’s surrounded by equally strong offerings.

There’s a great song, Cells, by The Servant. I can’t find the music online to listen to, so I don’t know if the rest of the band is so good, but I love love LOVE this one song. It’s a bit techno, a bit cinematic. If anyone has heard other music by the Servant, please let me know!

So there you go. Some new things to listen to, hopefully.

Also, if anyone knows of other good soundtracks, please comment and let me know!

Samhain: Myth and Tradition

There’s a Western tradition of taking pagan holidays and sanitizing them, making them cute and child-friendly. Hell, it’s the same thing we did with fairy tales. For a culture that is now obsessed with horror, the supernatural and the twisted macabre, we have a strong tradition of white-washing the scary and handing out candy in some strange parody of observance.

I don’t think any holiday has been so affected as Samhain/Halloween. The sacred, dangerous memorial of the dead has become a kiddie-fest, a laughter at a tradition we would do well to respect.

Myth and Tradition

Growing up, with grandparents that avidly listened to Rush Limbaugh and believed that the Freemasons were working with the Catholic Church to make the world worship Satan, Samhain was presented as a particularly gruesome holiday. I will never forget the Chick tracts–a particularly weird and noxious idealogy–that graphically depicted* Druids dragging virgins from houses to rape and sacrifice them, or modern-day ‘Satanists’ drugging and abducting children to kill in honor of the devil.

Fortunately, even as a kid with a somewhat warped concept of other religions, this appeared mildly sensationalized. But, how many people actually believe that? Too many.

When I was researching folklore for vampires, I stumbled across some interesting correlations. In many beliefs, someone born** over the Samhain/Day of the Dead holidays (whatever time of year that culture celebrates it) is fated to be a Vampire, or unusually clairvoyant.

It is also interesting to note that this was the ‘New Year’s’ day for the Celts. It was a time to remember the dead, to put the grief and memories to rest and move on into a new year. Farmers figured out which animals to slaughter for meat for the year, and the winter began.

Yes, this is also believed to be the day where the veils are thinnest between the spirits and mortals. Spirits of the dead are more likely to talk, things go bump in the night, etc. It can be scary. Maybe it’s the scariest thing for a nation, a culture that doesn’t want to believe in the supernatural, in the reality of things other than steel and concrete.

*I have always had the sneaking suspicion that Chick tracts were horror-porn given morals so that a certain brand of people wouldn’t feel guilty indulging in interests that make even me cringe. Seriously, go look at those things sometime, but take a bucket of bleach to clean your eyes, hands and brain. It’s all the more disturbing because this is supposed to be ‘holy’. I’m sorry, but I’ve read horror that isn’t as perverted and disgusting as Chick’s stuff.

**Yes, I was born on Samhain/Day of the Dead, which lends unusual irony to my early nicknames of ‘witch’ and ‘vampire’. My ‘New Year’ seems to naturally fall on my birthday anyways, so this festival always takes on special meaning. Also, it SUCKS as a kid in a conservative family, because not only do you not get to go have fun, you can’t have sleep-overs for your birthday, because everyone else is out having fun without you! Yes, this is a very, very long-standing grudge. To this day, I have NEVER been trick-or-treating.

Choctaw Mythology

A while back, my family traced some genealogy. Apparently, I have ties to four Native American tribes, two from my grandmother, two from my grandfather.

Amusingly, my grandfather’s side was Lakota and Cheyenne. I say amusingly because I’ve been fascinated by the Plains cultures from a very young age. So I’ve done a decent amount of reading and research on Plain’s cultures.

From my grandmother’s side though, we get the Choctaw and…something else. Damned if I can remember what at the moment. Never really researched that much.

But, I needed some beasties for a horror story today. So…I decided to check out Choctaw myth, since I was planning to set this story in the South.

Oh my.

Wikipedia: The Choctaws have stories about Shadow beings. “Nalusa chito”, also known as an “Impa shilup,” was the soul eater, great black being, or devil.[1] If you allowed evil thoughts or depression to enter your mind, it would creep inside you and eat your soul.

“Nalusa Falaya” (long black being) resembled a man, but with very small eyes and long, pointed ears. He sometimes frightened hunters or transferred his power of doing harm. Some believed that “Nalusa Falaya” preferred to approach men by sliding on his stomach like a snake.

That’s…pleasant. Some perfect stories there, but I’ll pass on meeting those critters. But that brought something to mind that I’d never really thought of before.

Plains myths tend to be fairly open and optimistic. There aren’t really all that many nasties in them, and if there are, they get killed by some hero. It’s a very sun-lit sort of mythology.

The Eastern/Southern myths have much nastier creatures in them. Shadow beings, things that actively work to destroy a human’s heart or soul. They are often filled with horror stories, but the hero usually does overcome the evil.

There’s not much point to that ramble, just that it’s interesting to see the difference in mood between cultures who are distantly related.

And I think I’ll stick to the Plains and West Coast myths, thank you.