Through Faith Darkly

I finally finished writing the review for Apex’s Dark Faith. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get into the book. Quite the opposite. It was too good, made me think too much. In fact, when I first started reading, I had to put it down and walk away for a couple of days, because I was not in the mind-space to deal with the contents. Faith is a tetchy subject for me, in case you couldn’t tell.

But I think that I owe MG Ellington and Apex a bit of thanks. I had to research a few things about the book, such as where it could be bought. In the process, I stumbled over Maurice Broaddus’ blog. In the past, I’ve seen him RT’d on Twitter quite a bit, and heard lots about him as well. I kind of browsed through his blog, and the truth hit me right between the eyes.

I’ve become unforgivably prejudiced. I know exactly when it happened, too. I posted a blog about it, An Open Letter to People Who Do Not Matter. That, and the unintentional but profound harassment that happened very soon after that first event, finally turned me off of Christianity with a bitter vengeance.

To put it simply, I let the actions of a few people prejudice me against the whole. Which makes me no better than the people who triggered this strong response.

Granted, if I’ve got anything to be bitter and prejudiced about, religion ranks right up there. After all, I can go for a dozen lifetimes without hearing my S/O musing that if it were a different age, he would be the one to burn me at the stake. And yes, that happened. Along with discussions of exorcism by my grandmother. And repeated attempts by my coworkers to convert me back to Christianity.

I go out of my way to be mute about my personal beliefs. The smallest handful of people know about them, people who believe similarly. I will not be drawn into debates nor defenses of my beliefs. It irks me when other people then try to push their beliefs into my face.

But I could list a thousand excuses, and none of them will clear me of blame. I have no right to this knee-jerk reaction to all things Christian. I have no right to distance myself from someone simply because they are open and vocal about *their* beliefs.

Easier said than done. Hell, this realization has me cringing. It will take a while, because, as I said, it’s a conditioned response. (No, I do *not* burst into flames when I touch a cross, thank you very much…)

But push your beliefs into my face, whether they be Christian, Pagan or Atheist, all bets are off. I believe that spirituality is like sex: between you and your partner(s). I don’t want to know.

Now, I’m going to go work on forgiveness.

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One Response to “Through Faith Darkly”

  1. Hugs hon.

    The path to yourself is never easy to find. Take heart that a lot of us share your views and look forward to seeing you grow.

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